wisdom

Boobs: The Big Truth

*stepping up on my soap box*

Our insecurities are sometimes things the outside world would never notice, or at least never realize that it’s something you’re insecure about. For me, my curves, often the first thing people notice, are easily my biggest insecurity. Let’s face it, my boobs are huge. I can try to hide them with sports bras all day long, but they’re still there. They are there making me feel like dresses & tops look like balloons. They’re there making me worry if I’m showing too much cleavage. They are there KILLING my back (as if I need any more help destroying my posture…). They’re there causing me headaches. They’re expensive as hell to find bras for. They’re there bouncing up and down while I’m trying to work out. Shit, they’re even there in this photo making me question if it’s “too much” to post. They are always there. Making me insecure. Making me second guess my attire. Making my body ache. So there you have it. Next time you’re jealous of some big boobs, or have the audacity to tell someone they’re showing too much cleavage, think twice. They might be trying to escape their big boob reality.

Life is Short

Life is short, hug your loved ones today. Tell them you love them, and mean it. Check in on them. Cherish them. Share laughs with them. Create memories, because you never know when a memory is all you will have left.

Last night a tragic accident happened that involved a childhood friend and her sister. They were sharing an experience together, seeing Panic! At The Disco. On their way home, they were involved in an accident with a semi. One sister injured and taken to the hospital in Stillwater, the other sister passed away.
You never know when your last moment will be. Live life with no regrets. You never know your last moment will be with someone you love, so make it count.
My heart breaks for the family, the community and everyone who has ever lost a loved one. Laura was a beautiful soul- full of light and humor- and I am blessed to have known her. May her family find comfort knowing she impacted so many lives in her short time in this world. And, Leah, may you find courage and strength to continue living your best life in honor of Laura. I hope you never lose your passion for music, and love for adventure.
I’ll be channeling this heartache to make more of my moments with my loved ones, to make memories that will last a lifetime and to live life as fully as possible, because tomorrow isn’t promised.
xx

Raw Truth: Panic Attack In Real Time

2/23/17

I’m freaking myself out over nothing. I’m completely lost in my own mind, trapped by worst-case scenarios and negative thoughts. They completely consume me, my whole being. It’s impossible to focus on the good things, they feel so far and in between. Is anything really that good, or did I just tell myself it was to feel better? I’m not living in the moment. I’m not appreciating what’s around me, or who’s around me.

I feel like my world is imploding on me. Crashing down and devouring what’s left of my soul. I get stuck in my head. I’m in my head right now. Why am I writing this down? I don’t want proof this happened, that I said this. Stop, Casey, just stop.

Stop the conversations in my brain. Stop the voice yelling at me telling me that I fucked it all up. Stop destroying relationships. Quit creating stories and feelings that are skewed from reality. There’s no glimmer of truth in real life, but in my head it’s nothing but the truth.

Every word, action and moment of silence. Every communication- or lack there or- on a constant loop in my brain. I can’t shut my eyes, I can’t turn it off. I get deeper into a hole, creating a narrative that shuts the world out.

I don’t communicate with people, I communicate with myself. I don’t let anyone else get hurt by the demons in my head, pushing them away before they get to close. I push buttons on those closest to me, trying to have them remove themselves from the situation that is me. Go away,  but on your own accord, not because I want you to.

I’m scared. I’m alone. I don’t know how to love because the fear of not being loved back haunts me. Petrified to be vulnerable in my human relationships, I resort back to my head and my own voice. I don’t show anyone I’m fragile. I work through my emotions and my terrors. I start again the next day- strong and capable, as if nothing ever happened.

But the cycle repeats. l’m still broken.  I still failed. I want to open up. I want to breathe. I want to communicate with the people around me, and not with my inner voice.

I want to break the cycle and get off the ride. But it’s hard to get off the ride when your head’s still spinning.

 

Carrie Questions: Still Unanswered

Let me preface this by saying I’ve been binge watching the hell outta Sex and the City. You’ve been warned and have every right to stop reading while you’re ahead.

How is it that every episode Carrie is diving into topics that are still completely and totally relatable today in 2016? Have we not learned from the past? Have relationships not evolved into something that makes more sense? Do we still mess things up and mess ourselves up the same way women have for years?*bonus points if you read that paragraph in true Carrie Bradshaw voice over fashion*

But, really, what the hell is going on in our world? We’ve been playing games since the beginning of time. I’m not just talking romantic bull shit, I’m talking friendships, work relationships, lovers, sex partners, all of it. How are we nearing the end of 2016 and we are no where closer to answering the age old questions then we were in the 1990’s? How long do you wait before you contact someone, are you reaching out to often, are you too emotional too soon, should you initiate something… STOP WITH THE MIND GAMES. Why can’t relationships just be honest and real? When you want something, you do it, and you don’t stress about the reaction of the other person or how the outside world might perceive it.

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What about calling it quits? When is it time to stop? They say love isn’t easy, but why shouldn’t it be? How hard should you really work at something to make it last. But at the same time, don’t run away when life gets tough. Where’s the happy medium here? Why doesn’t love come with a manual? It’s so easy with cars. There are lights that warn us about things, people to tell us if it’s worth fixing or if makes more sense to sell and get a new car. WHERE IS THIS FOR LOVE?! Will we ever stop wondering what would have happened if we tried a little harder, or got out of a toxic relationship sooner? Probably not.

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What about the romance? Is that completely dead? Was Carrie on to something? Here we are in 2016 where Netflix and Chill is more common than Dinner and a Movie. When did this stop? Did we let is stop? Are we the real reason behind the demise of courtship? Were women so against finding love and allowing someone sweep them off their feet that it is completely non-existent? Stop now, and answer me this. When’s the last time someone surprised you with flowers? Came to your door to pick you up for a date? Called to ask you to dinner days in advance? Yeah, crickets for me, too.

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I could go on for hours, but I’ll leave you with this. If we know the end game is most likely us getting hurt, why do we even bother? What’s the point of making something more than just a screw? Why continue to put yourself out there?

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16 Things To Stop Worrying About This Year

  1. Saving money. Put away what you can every paycheck. Maybe it’s $10 this week, but next time it’s $100. Every little bit helps.
  2. Being single. Do you really want to put someone else before you right now? Enjoy the freedom. Enjoy being you. The right person will come along.
  3. Looking put together. Come on, who really has time (and money) to get weekly manis? It’s okay to not always look straight from a magazine.
  4. Breaking shit. If I had a $1 for every iPhone/case/cord I broke, I could buy a new iPhone. Buy a new one. Move on.
  5. Finishing your to-do list. There isn’t enough time in the day, ever. Work, play, life, you’ll always have something unfinished. Do your best to prioritize and be good at time management, but at the end of the day, you can do something the next day.
  6. Having a purpose. Dude, you’re young. Your purpose changes every day. Just do you. That’s a purpose I can get behind.
  7. What could go wrong. LOL, story of my life. Why don’t we focus on what could be right instead of always having to be devil’s advocate?
  8. Doing the right thing. Do what’s best for you, not someone else. Focus on what makes you happy and in the end, that’s the right thing.
  9. Everyone else. Get off the Facebook, just because Jenny has a boyfriend doesn’t mean you need one. And that new car that Sally got, yeah, she’s leasing it and in major credit card debt.
  10. Fitting in a tight dress. At the end of the day, that skin tight LBD from Nords that doesn’t quite fit, really doesn’t need to be in your closet. Get something that makes you feel pretty, not something that makes you give up icecream.
  11. Stressing out. Seems simple, right? Don’t spend the extra time worrying about the fact that you’re already stressed out. You’re just working yourself up more. Instead acknowledge the stress and move on.
  12. Acne. Wash your face and stop touching it with your dirty hands. You’ll grow out of it eventually.
  13. Your phone. Put it down, right now. That email doesn’t need a response at 11:59pm as you’re just about to fall asleep. If you don’t check Instagram right this second your life isn’t over. Promise.
  14. Being content in your job. Sometimes you need to coast a minute and wait for the next opportunity, don’t freak out and rush to the next thing.
  15. Who didn’t Snap back. You send him a Snap when you were feeling yourself, he didn’t reply. His problem not yours.
  16. The future. What happens, happens.

Hot Songs, Cold Hearts: Cool Girl

Women in music. Women in relationships. Women everywhere. Listen up. Shit, guys, y’all listen too while we’re at it. I wanna talk about 3 songs with you this week, the first being Tove Lo’s new single.. Cool Girl. 

We live in a society today where relationships aren’t labeled- the reasoning behind this is can be left to your imagination, but mine goes straight to ‘no label, no rules & no messy break up’. Tove Lo has crowned this being the “cool girl” and saying she’s totally okay with keeping it fun and free, because she’s a “cool girl”.

“Let’s keep it fun; We don’t put a label on it; So we can run free, yeah; I wanna be free like you
I’m a, I’m a, I’m a cool girl, I’m a, I’m a cool girl”

Great, that’s fine and dandy. I’ve been in a long-term relationship that never really was because I wanted to be this “cool girl” and I thought I was okay with it. I was so okay with it, that every short relationship there after, I played the part of this cool girl.

“You can run free, I won’t hold it against ya; You do your thing, never wanted a future”

I’m not ready for marriage, so what’s the point in a serious commitment? Right? Wrong. There is a big difference in being the cool girl and playing the cool girl. I’ve done both.

I fully support and high freakin’ five a girl who wants to be the cool girl. No double standards here- take your freedom and run with it however you want- and run with whoever you want while we’re at it. We’re young, we’re free, been there and done that. But on the flip-side, no girl should ever feel forced to pretend to be the cool girl to please a guy. Don’t act the part of the cool girl just so you don’t lose him.

“I got fever highs; I got boiling blood; I’m that fire; We could burn together” 

If you want that fire, if you want the passion, then you deserve that. You don’t have to play the game. You are worth so much more than being strung along for a ride that won’t end in your favor. No amount of time will change you from being the cool girl to the fiery-passion-girl, trust me.

Know your worth. Know your end goal. Don’t pretend to be something you’re not, because you’re going to end up with something you don’t want. I urge you, next time you feel like you need to suppress your fire, stop it right there, don’t try play the cool girl.

And in the mean time, plug in your AUX cord and grab your girls, it’s time to jam the song of the summer.

12 Days of Texting

Waiting for a text to come through. A call to buzz. A Snapchat to bing. It’s honestly one of the most terrifying, modern day, first world problems a single girl has to deal with. The sad reality is… dudes don’t get it. Something in their brains isn’t wired the way it is for girls. At the risk of losing credibility, I’m going to quote my good pal Katy… boys are hot and then they’re cold, they are yes and then they are no… You have constant communication, a great time together and then out of nowhere… no communication. Is that a hint to go away forever? Or a hint to wear the pants and text him first? One will never know…
 
Day 1. “Oh my gosh he likes me. He won’t stop snapping and texting me. Eeek!”
Day 2. “Yes! He’s a keeper. Constant communication, wants to make plans, finally.”
Day 3. “Not only is he texting, but he double texts and asks questions about my day.”
Day 4. “Why isn’t he texting me? Was he really into me when he asked me out?”
Day 5. “So he likes me, but maybe not enough.. should I worry that he doesn’t text first?”
Day 6. “Phew. He’s using exclamation points. He’s asking me questions. He’s totally into me, why was I worried.”
Day 7. “WHY DID HE STOP TEXTING ME, THAT TEXT DESERVED A RESPONSE.”
Day 8. “Should I text him first today? I mean what’s it going to hurt, right?”
Day 9. “I’m not texting him until he texts me first. This is bullshit. He needs to make an effort or have the balls to say he’s not into it. Why is he dragging me through this? I’m better than this.”
Day 10. “I haven’t heard from him in days. I’m snapping him.  If he sees my snap of course he’ll text me, subtle reminder that I exist.”
Day 11. “One more mass Snap to test the waters…”
Day 12. “Bye Felicia.”
 
*two weeks later* “Did he really just text me hey stranger like he didn’t just ghost me? No. Not happening.”

(20)16 Pieces of Advice For The New Year

  1. Put down your phone. It’s okay to not be constantly connected to all of your friends at all times. The group text won’t fail miserably without you. No one is going to think you’re dead if you take two hours to reply. Take some advice I once got from a first date “my mom said it was rude to check my phone or my watch when I’m around other people, I shouldn’t want to give off the vibe that I’m in a rush to leave and don’t want to take full advantage of the time with them.”
  2. Discover something about yourself. As lovely as it sounds to take a personality quiz online, I don’t recommend you discover which Friday Night Light’s guy is right for you. I’m talking deep, down, real shit discovering. Try something you’ve never done before and see if you like it. You never know what lessons you’ll learn when faced in an unusual situation.
  3. Cook a meal. To everyone sitting there thinking “I cook all the time, doesn’t food out of a box count?” No, it doesn’t. We’re talking a multi course, multi element meal. Look on Pinterest, check a cook book, shoot… call your grandma for a recipe, even better! Find something that you have to prepare for with going to the store, spending time in the kitchen and enjoying a meal. Invite some friends over for a dinner party and cheers to a new accomplishment while enjoying your domestic dinner.
  4. No direction is still a direction. It’s okay if you don’t know where life is heading and you feel lost. You don’t think you have your shit together. You complain about adulting. It’s okay. You’re not alone. It’s a sign that you’re not okay with being complacent. Slowly figure out what will get you a place of peace and happiness. It’s a journey, but at least you’re not alone.
  5. Don’t waste your time with mediocre. That girl you met at Starbucks isn’t really putting time into your friendship, that guy hasn’t called you back lately, the dessert you ordered isn’t really that satisfying… it’s all just… mediocre. And not worth your time and energy. You can’t get back that time you wasted on mediocrity.
  6. Be active. I know what you’re saying… duh, Casey, that’s everyone’s resolution… but I mean it. I’m not saying go buy a gym membership, but I am saying take the stairs instead of the elevator.
  7. It’s okay to be sad. You don’t need to say sorry for not being happy. It happens to all of us. Life is so far from perfect and it’s tough to go at it alone. Emotions make us real. Don’t try to hide your emotions to yourself or to anyone around you. Be a real human, not a robot.
  8. Laugh at yourself. You’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to do regrettable things. Own it, dude.
  9. Don’t settle. You’re doing just fine with work and socially. You have a group of friends to hang out with. You’re comfortable. But you want more. Don’t let the comfort and safety of your surroundings keep you from achieving more. You never know what’s out there if you don’t give it a spin.
  10. Be real. With yourself. With your friends. With your dates. Don’t hide behind words. Be who you say you are and do it with pride. It’s understandable that you don’t want to hurt others, but you have to be true to yourself and that should gain the respect everyone around you.
  11. Doubt is the root of failure. Stop telling yourself that you can’t before you even try. You’ll never fully achieve what you’re capable of with that little voice in the back of your head doubting you. Remember,  failure is your first attempt at learning and we’re never too old to stop learning.
  12. You’re not entitled to tomorrow. Life is so fucking short. Try the new food, visit a new place, love a new lover. You never know when your time is going to be over.
  13. Smart is just a word. You won’t be the most street smart person in the room, or the most book smart, probably not even the most people smart… but that doesn’t mean you aren’t intelligent or intuitive. Smart is just a word. Don’t let it be a barrier. A little of everything goes a long way.
  14. Give up the booze. No one’s telling you to stop drinking cold turkey for the rest of your life… just take your foot off the gas pedal and enjoy some sober fun, and the perks that come with it. Can you say beach bod?!
  15. Read. I don’t give a care if it’s a book or USA Today. Start reading. Your brain will thank you later when you haven’t lost the interest to read for fun and enjoyment. When you haven’t lost the ability to read quickly. When you find yourself lost in a moment with a character, or deep into a story on the news… your brain will thank you.
  16. Legacy is key. If you left the world tomorrow, would you leave behind a group of people touched by you? Or would you leave behind nothing but a Facebook profile and some casual interactions? Every day has meaning. Every interaction, no matter how big or small, is how you’re going to be remembered. Be the light in a room full of darkness. Spread love and kindness to everyone you’re around. Be a loyal  friend and lover. Leave a legacy of ambition and drive, loyalty and honesty, and make others aspire to live the way you did.

16.5… Think about what you’ve done well… think about what you can do better.. write it down and keep track of your progress. Remember, the hardest part is trying something for the first time. xox

5 Things Driven Gals Dig

It seems that the harder a gal works in the real world, the less likely she is to have a boyfriend. Her goals keep her away from the messy, time-consuming dating world. She focuses her energy on reaching career and life goals. Working hard and taking no prisoners. But deep down, there’s something real  that the the seemingly unemotional work-a-holic desires from a partner

Many of us focus our efforts in relationships to not fall too deeply for someone else, to no let someone else get in the way of the end goal. Want some tips on breaking through a layer or two of this “no effs given” exterior?

  1. I need daily interaction. Just because I’m a busy girl, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to wake up to a “good morning” text or fall asleep to a “sweet dreams” text. We don’t have to talk all day, every day, let’s face it…  neither of us should have the time for that.
  2. Surprises. A little fun never hurt nobody. Take the wheel and plan something fun. It can be something as simple as showing up with a pint of my favorite ice cream when you know I’ve had a bad day. Tell me to pack a bag for an overnight trip to a surprise location. Work with my roommate and plan a surprise lunch when I think I’m meeting up with her. Nothing is too big or too small to make an impression on me, and don’t worry, I’ll take notice.
  3. Help with day to day tasks. Chances are I’m used to doing everything by myself. I take responsibility for what needs done and I do it. It’s not the worst thing in the world to have someone offer to accompany you to run your errands, cook dinner with you, shoot even help you match socks while you watch TV. Make me feel part of a team and that you have my back.
  4. Support my career.  Understand that I take work seriously and I enjoy the stress. I want to be good at what I do, don’t make my passion for work something about you. Be there for me when I’m low, be there for me when I’m high. I don’t expect you to put your career on hold for me, but don’t expect me to drop mine for you. Let’s be successful together.
  5. Let me be me. I want to have my own life outside of us as a couple. Hobbies, friends, two feet to stand on to carry me through life. Let me have girls night and expect the same from me. I don’t need you to account for your every move. That’s what trust is for. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with you and I want you to enjoy doing things that I enjoy, but neither of us should compromise being an individual.

All in all, it’s about finding someone to enjoy life’s adventures with. Someone to help push you to be the best and someone that wants you pushing them, too. Finding the balance of being a passionate individual and a working companionship is hard, but worth it. Moral of the story: be someone that supports, surprises and loves someone, and find someone who supports you with the same passion.

Listen and Love

It’s truly amazing the way music resonates with you. Music is moving, such a simple concept, right? Nah, it’s not simple, but that’s the beauty of it.

JoJo stopped over in Dallas today for a small club show. Yeah, JoJo as in circa 2004 “Leave, Get Out” break up tunes for all middle schoolers. This same JoJo who released Marvin’s Room a few years (and loads of maturing) later. Yup, it’s the same JoJo who released 3 songs earlier in 2015 that didn’t get much attention. She also has a record coming out soon, in case y’all were curious.

But back to the story. This isn’t really about JoJo. Not that I couldn’t sit here and tell you about her set at Dada tonight and how she’ll be at Warehouse Live tomorrow night (shameless plugs), but I’ll save that for another post.

I want to talk about the power of music. The way different songs resonate with you and how much a song can change your perception.

Leave, Get Out was a song I listed to when I was 12. I certainly didn’t have a boyfriend, let alone a cheating scumbag of a boyfriend, but I loved that song. I screamed the words with my friends at sleepovers. I felt powerful. I had the power to acknowledge someone else’s mistakes and tell them to leave my life. It was empowering in all of the right ways. When my relationships with friends and family weren’t healthy and I was being treated poorly, I could listen to that song and sing right along with JoJo. A few years later, high school and boys are a thing. I found myself listening to the same song. Stupid boys. They wasted my time… I cried… I thought my world was crashing.. I JAMMED out to some JoJo. “GET OUT, RIGHT NOW”. Again, it was empowering.

Here I am a young professional in my 20s. I’ve dealt with a completely different type of heartbreak.  Being used in a way I didn’t know was even possible 10 years ago. Having my heart ripped out and thrown to the ground when I was no longer needed. Experiencing emotions that don’t even make you feel anything…except hollowness. 20 something me has had friendships that went from 100 to 0 real quick for the most personal of reasons. Losing love and loved ones that I took for granted. Growing up in a society that makes me feel like I am the cause of any and all failure, including relationships.  Dealing with all of these different types of heartache and tribulations. Now here I am in a room of mostly 20/30 somethings, aching the same ache I felt when I was 12. Singing at the top of my lungs the same way young, carefree me did. Feeling emotion in the words that came out of JoJos mouth in 2015 the same way I felt them in 2004. Getting goosebumps and feeling powerful all over again. The song has grown up with me and has empowered me through so many different situations.

During JoJo’s intro, she said “I was 12… I didn’t know what it was like to be cheated on yet… Then I got cheated on and it changed from get out to GET THE FUCK OUT.” There were plenty of “yaaaaas honeys” coming from the crowd. I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt all the feels the same way I did 10 years ago, but yet in a totally new way all at the same time.

The same goes for so many songs out there. When a song is powerful, when a song hits you and makes you listen, it sticks with you. I may not be JoJo’s number 1 fan, but I can appreciate that multiple songs (Marvin’s Room more recently…) are more than just catchy tunes to listen to. They’re songs to get you through something. To empower you. To touch you.

JoJo ended the evening with a song off her new album… “I Am”. I have a feeling this song is about to take on the same role as the others. JoJo encouraged the crowd to positively  reaffirm how they are worthy of love, a child of God and so much more. Next time you try and talk yourself down, remember that You Are and You Can.

And with that, my friends, I leave you with one thought. Music saves lives and sometimes you don’t even know it’s happening. Appreciate the art of music and the feels it stirs up. It’s a complicated, but that’s the beauty of it. Listen and love.

XX, case