Heartbreak, A Deep Hollow Hole

Accepting something is over and moving on is easier said than done.

You finally open yourself up to a person, to feeling emotions and to a real connection with another human, and suddenly it’s all ripped away from you.

The comfort of knowing someone is there for you when you need them, it’s gone. The warm embrace you’re welcomed with when you walk into their home, it’s gone. The sensation of being wanted by a person you care about, it’s gone. Knowing that someone out there cares for you and your well-being, it’s gone. Your eagerness to love, it’s gone.

Your whole world gets rocked by a simple conversation, phone call, or even a text message. You go from 100 to 0 in seconds flat. Emptiness is all you feel. A hollow hole in your body that feels like it will never be full again. No anger. No sadness. No emotions, just a deep hole where your heart, stomach and mind should be.

Heartbreak is a feeling unlike any other. To know true heartbreak, one must have an attachment to someone, to something, stronger than what meets the eye. Emotional investment, not just time, because time plays no part in true connection.

We’ve all had had bad breakups. Been victims of a “fade out”. Had a fling fizzle away. But what are you losing? Your time, maybe a few shirts or a couple bucks you spend on condoms… Maybe the other person was an asshole and so you experience anger. Perhaps they found someone else that was more than just a flame, and that left you sad. Shoot, sometimes you’re just left with jealousy because you weren’t the only person the were seeing.

Heartbreak though, it’s more than a breakup with a person. It’s your whole world crumbling down. You are losing your sense of barings, what you thought was right and wrong, where you stand in life… You are left questioning the other persons feelings and intentions… You are left in your own mind, thinking about everything from the moment you met, to when you started to develop the real, raw feelings and how it fell apart… You are left racking your brain, your heart, your gut, trying to force a feeling or an emotion, some sort of damned reaction to everything…. You feel nothing.

A few days go by. You think you’re fine, then you break down crying. You feel happy, until a trigger of some sorts destroys your mood. You scold yourself for crying and tell yourself that you’re an idiot and to get over it. Sadness comes and goes, anger makes an appearance, bitterness, hurt… and once again you feel empty and hollow.

Friends try to help you by getting you “distracted” with social events, others tell you to “get back out there and try again”, but nothing really helps. In the end, you can’t force anything. Trying to forcefully speed the process up results in a bigger defeat when the high is over. It all comes down to time.

Let yourself be sad. Take baby steps and celebrate small victories. Make it a day without crying? HIGH FIVE. Go a day without thinking about the other person? DOUBLE HIGH FIVE.

You will get over it. You will learn from the whole experience. Understanding heartbreak and love is heavy, but it’s all part of learning and becoming a stronger person. You learn so much about yourself and what you’re capable of, that your outlook on life and love and humans will be changed for the better, but you can’t hold yourself back from experiencing growth.

The harsh reality is that every time you become connected to someone, you face it ending it one of two ways: breaking up or marriage. Embrace it.

I'll be alright

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